The Summer of Funny Shit

I had a horrible nightmare last night that they actually made this a TOP SELLING DVD Set. Then I woke up in a cold sweat and decided it would probably sell a bazillion copies. The only thing is, my ass would be getting sued so hard, it would look like Elton John's after a world tour.

I have felt like shit for the past week or so, which explains the lack of updates on the site. Not that I give a flying fuck, of course....I hate all of you freeloading sonsofbitches, anyhow. The least you could do is click here and buy a t-shirt and quit being such a cheap fuck, sucking up all our bandwidth. I seriously think you all suck, though. You could buy a million t-shirts and I'd still think you were the scum of the earth, Buy one anyway,losers!

I don't know how many times I have to tell my ex-girlfriends to quit applying for modeling jobs on the site. I'm seriously picky about who gets on Prettywasted and who doesn't. That's why we have the cream of the fucking crop on PW. We select 100% REAL WOMEN. Not these photoshopped daughters of whores you see elsewhere. Hot chicks, please send me your pics. The rest of you can book yourselves on the Jerry Springer Show.

So, getting back to the most important subject on this website, which is ME! I've been getting dizzy spells lately. Now, I'm sure we don't have many physicians visiting this website, but if you know what the fuck is wrong with me, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it and let me know. On the other hand, maybe it's just something I ate.

If you've got a Facebook account, (which I know you do, you fucking losers), you probably spend 24/7 on it, when you aren't over here getting a boner over the Prettywasted.com Chicks. I've finally realized what a big fucking waste of time Facebook is. It blows, it sucks and it swallows....just like all you pieces of shit who visit us here. Both you and Facebook can blow me-and would, if you had the chance.

I want to let everyone know about my friend's new business. It's called Free Hugs. You should really stop by under the bridge and get one. He's running a two for one special this month, only. Free Hugs is conveniently located next door to Free Candy. Stop by today!

We've lost touch with 18 year old New Zealand Hottie, Zombie Girl. If anyone knows where she is, please get in touch with me immediately. And don't get any ideas, asswipes....she already hates you more that I do and would spit on you if she could. In fact, if she knew your address, she'd spit in an envelope and mail it to your house...but you dirty fuckers would probably like that. You all disgust me.

We've also lost touch with this chick, but we did it on purpose. If you know her, please do NOT contact me, or I'll advertise your apartment-RENT FREE on Craigslist and hope a dirty bunch of smelly foreigners come knocking on your door. Have I mentioned that I fucking hate all of you?

Seriously, is this supposed to give me a fucking diamond-cutting erection? Was this photo intended to make my testicles swell to the size of grapefruits and burst all over my plastic leather sofa? Well, good news! It did!

I keep asking my friends Luna and Michelle to have a threesome with me and I still keep getting the same answer. The good news is, I think I'm wearing them down a little!

This is true STONER PORN!

One day a few years ago, some guy this chick was probably dating (or married to) was fucking around with a camera and the girl decided to be funny and drop her PJ's and show half her ass. Then they broke up (or got divorced) and the guy decided to be a jerkoff and upload it to the internet so he could "have the last laugh" on this poor woman. I just wanted to take a moment to thank him.

Some people shouldn't be allowed to smoke weed, take pictures or be able to access this shithole they call the internet. Fortunately, these aren't the people! Party on, bitches.

How long has this ripoff been going on? This pisses me the fuck off. I eat LOADS of this shit and they've been fucking me in the ass all along. I'm writing a fucking letter to this company. I DEMAND MY FULL 33 CENTS WORTH!

The new Crayola line is out again. Maybe we can add Bud Green, Strawberry Kush, White Trash Beautiful and Dingleberry to the line up.

There's always room for Goatse Cookies!

I don't give a fuck if she is wearing my favorite food of all time,shave your fucking armpits, bitch!

We've ALWAYS had hotter chicks than the SG

It's finally out how I lost my job at the sushi restaurant

Times must be tough for ex-pornstar, Traci Lords. She's reduced herself to blowing bubbles.

This fucking photo is just plain wrong. It disgusts me. It's so wrong to do to a friend. They should have waited for a turd before they snapped the picture.

Once again, I may be high when I accept new models sometimes, but I'm never THIS FUCKING HIGH!